TD: The Touchdowns

Infield: Tommy Davis (1959-76), who batted .294 and drove in more than 1,000 runs, will start at first base. He drove in 153 runs in 1962 but other than that, his career high was 89. He played his prime seasons in Dodger Stadium during an extreme pitchers' era, which didn't help his career stats. Second baseman Tom Daly (1887-1903) was Craig Biggio before Craig Biggio was Craig Biggio - came up as a catcher, switched to second base and went on to a long and prosperous career as a scrappy go-getter. Third baseman Tom Dodd (1986) hit 200 home runs in the minors, and one home run in a very brief career in the majors. Tom Downey (1909-15) holds down shortstop.

Outfield: You don't ordinarily want a guy whose name sounds like "Doubt Hit," but center fielder Taylor Douthit (1923-33) actually could hit a little - career average of .291, on-base .360, which were not great numbers in the '20s but not bad either. He was the leadoff batter and a terrific defensive outfielder for Cardinals teams that went to three World Series. Right fielder Tommy Dowd (1891-1901), nicknamed "Buttermilk Tommy," wasn't a great hitter but he played regularly enough to score 900 runs. Left fielder Todd Dunwoody (1997-2002) was given plenty of opportunity but never really got his career going.

Catcher: Tim Donahue (1891-1902) wasn't a very good hitter, but he hung around for a decade. Surely there's a good reason that he was given the nickname "Bridget," though it's hard to imagine what that reason would be.

Rotation: Travis Driskill (2002-2007) was 11-14 with a 5.23 ERA, and you're thinking, "This is the staff ace?" Well, it's rather hard to pick an ace out of this rotation. You like Tommy de la Cruz (1944) any better? He was 9-9 as a 32-year-old rookie during World War II. Or how about Tom Dixon (1977-83), who went 9-14 in his career? Tom Dettore (1973-76) was 8-11 and spent most of his career in the bullpen, but he makes this team's rotation. Tim Drew (2000-04), the less successful brother of J.D. and Stephen, was 2-4 with a 7.02 ERA. If you're counting (and we are), that's a five-man rotation with a combined career record of 39-52. This is not a good thing. We're wondering if Todd DiLaMuca could pitch.

Bullpen: Closer Tom Dukes (1967-72) probably won't have too many leads to protect. Lefties Tim Davis (1994-97) and Ted Davidson (1965-68) actually pitched fairly well in short careers. So did righties Tim Drummond (1987-90) and Tom Davey (1999-2002). Tim Dillard (2008- ) is still young enough to improve on his 6.27 ERA. Tom Drees (1991) threw three no-hitters in the Triple-A Pacific Coast League in 1989, but his career in the majors consisted of four games with a 12.27 ERA.

Bench: Backup catcher Tom Daly (1913-21) should not be confused with the starting second baseman who has the same name. Backup outfielder Tom Daley (1908-15), who has an "e" in his name, should not be confused with either of the other two guys named Tom Daly, nor should he, for that matter, be confused with Tyne Daley, who played MaryBeth Lacey on TV. Infielders Trent Durrington (1999-2005) and Tommy Dean (19667-71) should not be confused with anyone who could actually hit the ball. Outfielder Tommy Dunbar (1983-85) is the prize of this bench, which isn't saying much.

Manager: Buttermilk Tommy Dowd was one of several people who took turns trying (and failing) to coax victories out of the St. Louis Browns in the mid- to late-1890s. He may have drank buttermilk to soothe the ulcers his team gave him. He should buy a couple of gallons before looking at his starting rotation here.