Infield: Indulge us, for a moment, as we write about Ron Theobald, and specifically his 1972 Topps card, which for some reason seemed to inexplicably turn up in every pack. When Mike was growing up in St. Louis, he and his friends always laughed at this card because Theobald – who is meekly pantomiming a bunt – looks like a toothless old man. It became such a running joke that a quarter-century later, Mike and his friends still make jokes about the card and how old he looks. Imagine Mike’s surprise, in 2009, to learn that when Joe was growing up, he and his friends made fun of this same card and gave Theobald the nickname “Grandpa.” Coincidence, right? Except, when you google Ron Theobald, one of the first sites you find is a blog in which a guy posts a scan of that card and writes: “I hate to talk about how somebody looks (well, not really, but I’d hate to offend Ron or his family if they happen to Google this), but in this photo Ron looks like he’s about 50.” So it’s not coincidence. There’s something transcendent about the oddity of this card. All of this is to explain that Ron Theobald (1971-72) is the starting third baseman here, even though he was primarily a second baseman in real life. He started at second for Milwaukee in 1971, batted .276 and led the league with 19 sacrifice bunts (which would explain the pose on his ’72 Topps card, yes?). But the next year, still playing regularly, his average dropped to .220, with a slugging percentage of, yes, .254, and for good measure, he was 0-for-7 on stolen base attempts. And that was all for Ron Theobald, but he’s still our starting third baseman here. He’s our third baseman because we don’t have anyone else at third, and because second is quite ably held down by Robby Thompson (1986-96), who hit 119 home runs and won a Gold Glove for San Francisco. Shortstop Ryan Theriot (2005- ) starred at LSU in college (and once broke up a no-hitter by Southern Cal’s Mark Prior) and is now starting for the Cardinals. He's no great shakes defensively, but he gets on base and he plays hard. First baseman Ricardo Torres (1920-22) had a career batting average of .297. OK, so he only came to the plate 39 times. He was a Cuban catcher and first baseman who didn’t do much in the U.S., even in the minors.
Outfield: Good chance you never heard of Roy Thomas (1899-1911), but he was a pretty fascinating player. He was the slappingest of slap hitters. His 1,537 career hits included 1,377 singles, and he also had more than 1,000 walks. His technique was to stand at the plate and foul off any pitch he didn’t like (he could tap foul balls at will and supposedly sometimes he would foul off two dozen pitches just to wear the pitcher out). It is largely because of him that they began calling foul balls as strikes, though as Bill James pointed out, if you can foul off two dozen pitches in a row, calling the first two of them strikes doesn’t mean much. When he got a pitch he liked, he would slap it over or through the infield. As a result, his career stats are bizarre – he had a .413 on-base percentage, so he scored more than 1,000 runs, but he batted leadoff and had no power, so he had fewer than 300 RBI. No other player in history had a run-to-RBI ratio like Thomas’. He also stole 243 bases and was a good center fielder. Left fielder Reggie Taylor (2000-05) was one of those guys who looked like a great athlete but never did much. In the minors he stole 300 bases but got thrown out a fair amount, and he hit 150 home runs. In the majors he batted .231 and never made much of an impression. Right fielder Rusty Torres (1971-80) batted .212 with no power and got thrown out stealing more often than he was successful. He was given 1,500 plate appearances by five teams before they gave up on him.
Catcher: Ron Tingley (1982-95) could barely hit his weight (career average .195, listed weight 194, so if he had an extra dessert it could go either way). His name sounds like the word to describe when your foot is asleep. But he’s the best we’ve got. He was good at cutting off the running game.
Rotation: Ralph Terry (1956-67) had a career record of 107-99 – he was 78-59 when he was teammates with Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford, 29-40 when he wasn’t. He pitched in five World Series and is perhaps most famous for giving up Mazeroski’s walk-off home run in 1960. Randy Tomlin (1990-94) was a solid lefty who pitched for the Pirates at the point when they were transitioning from a really good team to a really bad team. Robinson Tejeda (2005- ) is a well-traveled swingman who seems to have found a home with the Royals in his late 20s. Randy Tate (1975) struggled with the strike zone and went 5-13 at age 22, then hurt his arm and disappeared. His 47 career plate appearances without a hit is believed to be a major-league record, though he did draw one walk. He also had a caught stealing. According to retrosheet.org, on 6/8/75 Tate reached base on an error when Dick Allen “slipped on wet grass and fell on the seat of his pants,” and then a couple of plays later got thrown out stealing second on some sort of strange rundown play that went 2-5-6. Red Torkelson (1917) sounds like a country-fried comedian. He pitched like one, too.
Bullpen: Closer Ron Taylor (1962-72) pitched in two World Series, winning both (Cardinals in ’64, Mets in ’69). In 10 1/3 career postseason innings, he gave up three hits, two walks, no runs and struck out nine. During the regular season, he had some fine seasons. Roy Thomas (197-87) had a decent career for the Cardinals and the Mariners. Ricky Trlicek (1992-97) worked 300 games in the minors and was generally effective, but he didn’t fare too well in the majors. Ron Tompkins (1965-71) pitched OK in his brief career. Rich Troedson (1973-74) was a lefty on a couple of bad Padres teams. Rich “The Throwin’ Non-Samoan” Thompson (1985-90) pitched for the Indians and the Expos. Ramon Troncoso (2008- ) is a talented young reliever for the Dodgers whose name sounds more like a Mafia don than any other player in history.
Bench: Ryan Thompson (1992-2002) will certainly see some starting time in right and left field. He was 6-3, 200 pounds, ran well and always looked like he should have been a better ballplayer than he was. Red Torphy (1920) came from Lizzy Borden’s home town and has a name that you can’t say without giggling. He’ll room with Red Torkelson, so that if someone calls the hotel room and asks for Red, the question will be “Torkelson or Torphy?” Rusty Tillman (1982-88) was a decent minor-league outfielder who never got a foothold in the bigs. Backup catcher Ray Thomas (1938) had a .333 career average. One for three. Middle infielder Ruben Tejada (2010- ) is a youngster who is starting to make his name with the Mets, and he might well take the starting shortstop job away from Grandpa Ron.
Manager: Ralph Treuel, who spent three (non-consecutive) years as a pitching coach in the majors will get his chance at The Big Job.
Outfield: Good chance you never heard of Roy Thomas (1899-1911), but he was a pretty fascinating player. He was the slappingest of slap hitters. His 1,537 career hits included 1,377 singles, and he also had more than 1,000 walks. His technique was to stand at the plate and foul off any pitch he didn’t like (he could tap foul balls at will and supposedly sometimes he would foul off two dozen pitches just to wear the pitcher out). It is largely because of him that they began calling foul balls as strikes, though as Bill James pointed out, if you can foul off two dozen pitches in a row, calling the first two of them strikes doesn’t mean much. When he got a pitch he liked, he would slap it over or through the infield. As a result, his career stats are bizarre – he had a .413 on-base percentage, so he scored more than 1,000 runs, but he batted leadoff and had no power, so he had fewer than 300 RBI. No other player in history had a run-to-RBI ratio like Thomas’. He also stole 243 bases and was a good center fielder. Left fielder Reggie Taylor (2000-05) was one of those guys who looked like a great athlete but never did much. In the minors he stole 300 bases but got thrown out a fair amount, and he hit 150 home runs. In the majors he batted .231 and never made much of an impression. Right fielder Rusty Torres (1971-80) batted .212 with no power and got thrown out stealing more often than he was successful. He was given 1,500 plate appearances by five teams before they gave up on him.
Catcher: Ron Tingley (1982-95) could barely hit his weight (career average .195, listed weight 194, so if he had an extra dessert it could go either way). His name sounds like the word to describe when your foot is asleep. But he’s the best we’ve got. He was good at cutting off the running game.
Rotation: Ralph Terry (1956-67) had a career record of 107-99 – he was 78-59 when he was teammates with Mickey Mantle and Whitey Ford, 29-40 when he wasn’t. He pitched in five World Series and is perhaps most famous for giving up Mazeroski’s walk-off home run in 1960. Randy Tomlin (1990-94) was a solid lefty who pitched for the Pirates at the point when they were transitioning from a really good team to a really bad team. Robinson Tejeda (2005- ) is a well-traveled swingman who seems to have found a home with the Royals in his late 20s. Randy Tate (1975) struggled with the strike zone and went 5-13 at age 22, then hurt his arm and disappeared. His 47 career plate appearances without a hit is believed to be a major-league record, though he did draw one walk. He also had a caught stealing. According to retrosheet.org, on 6/8/75 Tate reached base on an error when Dick Allen “slipped on wet grass and fell on the seat of his pants,” and then a couple of plays later got thrown out stealing second on some sort of strange rundown play that went 2-5-6. Red Torkelson (1917) sounds like a country-fried comedian. He pitched like one, too.
Bullpen: Closer Ron Taylor (1962-72) pitched in two World Series, winning both (Cardinals in ’64, Mets in ’69). In 10 1/3 career postseason innings, he gave up three hits, two walks, no runs and struck out nine. During the regular season, he had some fine seasons. Roy Thomas (197-87) had a decent career for the Cardinals and the Mariners. Ricky Trlicek (1992-97) worked 300 games in the minors and was generally effective, but he didn’t fare too well in the majors. Ron Tompkins (1965-71) pitched OK in his brief career. Rich Troedson (1973-74) was a lefty on a couple of bad Padres teams. Rich “The Throwin’ Non-Samoan” Thompson (1985-90) pitched for the Indians and the Expos. Ramon Troncoso (2008- ) is a talented young reliever for the Dodgers whose name sounds more like a Mafia don than any other player in history.
Bench: Ryan Thompson (1992-2002) will certainly see some starting time in right and left field. He was 6-3, 200 pounds, ran well and always looked like he should have been a better ballplayer than he was. Red Torphy (1920) came from Lizzy Borden’s home town and has a name that you can’t say without giggling. He’ll room with Red Torkelson, so that if someone calls the hotel room and asks for Red, the question will be “Torkelson or Torphy?” Rusty Tillman (1982-88) was a decent minor-league outfielder who never got a foothold in the bigs. Backup catcher Ray Thomas (1938) had a .333 career average. One for three. Middle infielder Ruben Tejada (2010- ) is a youngster who is starting to make his name with the Mets, and he might well take the starting shortstop job away from Grandpa Ron.
Manager: Ralph Treuel, who spent three (non-consecutive) years as a pitching coach in the majors will get his chance at The Big Job.
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