HS: The Harold Stassens

Infield: Harry Steinfeldt (1898-1911) arrives in the consciousness of most baseball fans as the answer to a trivia question: Who was the third baseman in the “Tinker to Evers to Chance” infield? He was a decent enough hitter and fielder, a starter on the great Chicago Cubs teams that were the first dynasty of the 20th century. After eight years in Cincinnati, Steinfeldt arrived in Chicago in 1906, led the NL in hits and RBI, and played in four World Series between 1906-10. He batted .471 in the 1907 Series, leading the Cubs to their first championship (though the pitching staff also played a role, allowing just six runs in five games). First baseman Howie Schultz (1943-48) was a 6-foot-6 guy who was nicknamed “Stretch” and “Steeple.” After an undistinguished baseball career, he played for a few years in the NBA as a teammate of George Mikan in Minneapolis. Second baseman Heine Smith (1897-1903) was a pretty ordinary player, but he does have the distinction of being John McGraw’s predecessor as manager of the New York Giants. Shortstop Heine Sand (1923-28) gives us two Heines in the infield, neither one of whom could hit. (For the record, there have been almost two dozen men named Heine who have played in the majors, but none since the retirement of Heine Manush in 1939. Many people confuse Heine Peitz with Heine Reitz, though they are in fact two different guys. In St. Louis, a youth ballfield is named in honor of Heine Meine. Now let’s wrap up the “Beavis & Butt-Head” snickering and move on.)

Outfield: Left fielder Hank Sauer (1941-59) was a tremendous slugger who didn’t stick in the majors until he was 31 years old because of (a.) military service, (b.) concerns about his egregious defense, and (c.) the pigheadedness of team management in Cincinnati that was convinced, despite all evidence to the contrary, that Sauer’s prowess as a minor-league power hitter would not translate to the majors so they would rather use guys who they already knew couldn’t hit. Finally Sauer hit 50 home runs and slugged .668 in Triple-A at age 30 and the Reds said “OK, OK … “ He hit 286 of his 288 career home runs after the age of 31, and he won the NL MVP in 1951 when he led the league in home runs and RBI while playing for the Cubs. He was a bad defensive player, but the man could hit. Center fielder Harry Stovey (1880-93) was a great hitter, too. In fact, when he retired he was baseball’s career home run leader (with 122) until Roger Connor took that title from him a couple of years later. Playing his best years in Philadelphia, he regularly lead the American Association in homers, triples, runs, slugging percentage and other stats. Right fielder Homer Summa (1920-30) was a .300 hitter in a time when everyone hit .300. In fact, Hardball Times reports that Summa held, lost, and recently regained a career record – among all players with a .300 career average in 3,000 or more plate appearances, Summa had the lowest career OPS+ figure (92), which measures overall offensive effectiveness. Juan Pierre has supplanted him in this regard for a while, with an OPS+ below 90, but now that his career record dropped below .300, he no longer qualifies. It's Summa's record again.

Catcher: Hank Severeid (1911-26) started for a decade for the St. Louis Browns. He apparently loved to play catcher, and he was legendarily tough. This explains why he was able to play almost 1,400 games in the majors – and another 1,300 in the minors, pretty much all of them behind the plate. Decent enough hitter, nothing special, but the man was durable.

Rotation: Hilton Smith was one of the great pitchers in the history of the Negro Leagues, one of the guys in contention for the title of Best Negro League Pitcher Who Wasn’t Satchel Paige. In fact, he and Paige were teammates on the Kansas City Monarchs, though Smith’s quiet demeanor was a stark contrast to Paige’s outgoing nature. Smith won 20 games regularly, including a 25-1 record in 1941, and hit .300 in several different seasons. Hal Schumacher (1931-46) was a good, and very consistent, starter for the New York Giants. He won 61 games between 1933-35, and then he went seven consecutive seasons with between 11-13 victories. He was a good hitter (15 career home runs) and had some memorable starts in his three World Series – in Game 5 of the 1936 Series, he pitched a 10-inning complete game for the victory, highlighted by the third inning when, with the bases loaded and nobody out, he struck out DiMaggio and Gehrig, then got Dickey to fly out. You already know the story of Cleveland lefty Herb Score (1955-62). He won 16 games at age 22, then won 20 at age 23, leading the American League in strikeouts both seasons. In his first five starts of the 1957 season, he was pitching great – until he took a line drive in the face. He was never the same. He was 38-20 with a 2.63 ERA before the line drive in the face, 17-26 with a 4.43 ERA after – as such, he remains a legend for what could have been. Harry Staley (1888-95) won 136 games in the 19th century. He had a couple of 20-win seasons, but then again, at the time he pitched you pretty much had to win 30 to lead the league. Harry Salisbury (1879-82) won 20 games in 1882, but then again … see the previous sentence.

Bullpen: Closer Huston Street (2005- ) won the AL Rookie of the Year Award at age 21 and now has more than career saves an an average of more than a strikeout per inning. He has made the transition from Oakland to Colorado and is still pitching well. Heathcliff Slocumb (1991-2000) also did some closing while bouncing around eight teams in 10 years. Not a bad pitcher, but it is probably his fate to be remembered as the guy who the Red Sox traded to Seattle in order to get Derek Lowe and Jason Varitek, thus helping to set the stage for the Removal of the Curse of the Bambino. Harry Smythe (1929-34) pitched 4,300 innings in the minors and won 301 games. In the majors, he had a career ERA of 6.40 and a career winning percentage of .294, which is not good at all. (Now, if he had .640 winning percentage and a 2.94 ERA, he’d be onto something.) Hal Smith (1932-35) pitched a few years for the Pirates and wasn’t too bad. Herm Starrette (1963-65) pitched well in the minors, and during his brief tenure with the Orioles he pitched well, too. He was out of baseball by age 28, presumably because of injuries, but he had a long career as a pitching coach (won a World Series ring with the 1980 Phillies) and as a front office assistant to Dan Duquette. Harry “ Pop” Shriver (1922-23) was another guy who was effective in a short major-league career. Harry Shuman (1942-44) was a pretty decent minor-league pitcher who logged a few big-league innings during World War II.

Bench: Outfielder Harry Simpson (1951-59) wasn’t a bad player. He led the league in triples twice, drove in 100 runs, played in an all-star game. But he is fixed in our collective memory as “Suitcase” Simpson, the guy who got traded so often that, as the saying goes, he lived out of his suitcase. Harry Spilman (1978-89) was a utility infielder who was a backup on some good teams. Heine Schuble (1927-36) is another utility infielder, and we’ve already made enough Heine jokes. Howie Shanks (1912-25) started in the Washington Senators’ outfield for more than a decade, despite a lack of any kind of consistent production. The backup catcher is Hal Smith, who played from the mid-1950s until the mid-1960s. Actually, there were two of them. It’s probably Hal Smith (1955-64), who bounced around five teams, won a World Series title with the 1960 Pirates, and three times hit double-digits in home runs. But maybe it’s Hal Smith (1956-65), who w as a weaker hitter and had a much shorter career with the Cardinals but did manage to play in two all-star games.

Manager: Haywood Sullivan was a weak-hitting catcher and had an unsuccessful stint managing the Kansas City A’s in 1965, but he made his mark in the front office of the Red Sox, serving as general manager and part owner from 1978-83. He took over a very good team, which then went downhill, though how much of it was Sullivan’s fault is open to discussion. He did trade guys like Fred Lynn and Rick Burleson, and he did let Carlton Fisk walk via free agency, and he did bring in a lot of older players who had been stars several years earlier. Most notoriously, he convinced the Red Sox to take his son, Marc, in the second round of the 1979 draft and then promoted him through the minors despite the fact that the kid couldn’t hit, finally giving him a lengthy trial in the majors in which he batted .186 with no power and a 5-to-1 strikeout-to-walk ratio. Because Marc Sullivan does not have the initials “HS,” we are assuming he won’t unexpectedly turn up on this team while our backs are turned.

HW: The Hank Williams (Seniors)

Infield: Shortstop Honus Wagner (1897-1917) is on the short list of the greatest players of all time, maybe second only to Babe Ruth. A brilliant hitter, baserunner, fielder and team leader, he was part of the inaugural class inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame (along with Ruth, Cobb, Mathewson and Walter Johnson). He was a big, strong man with enormous hands, and at his peak with the Pittsburgh Pirates, he utterly dominated the National League. Unfortunately, he is little remembered today by casual fans – compared to Ruth or Cobb or Gehrig, for example – and many know him primarily as the guy who refused to have his baseball card inserted in packets of tobacco. The card was discontinued, and because of its rarity the few cards that remain in good condition are worth millions of dollars at auction. Second baseman Heine Wagner (1902-18) was a fine defensive shortstop who will move to second in order to accommodate The Flying Dutchman at short. Heinie Wagner was your basic .250-.260 hitter and spent most of his career with the Red Sox around the time Babe Ruth was arriving on the scene. Fightin’ Harry Wolverton (1898-1912) was a third baseman who bounced around the National League for a decade. First baseman Harry Williams (1913-14) had a short and undistinguished career.

Outfield: Left fielder Harry “The Hat” Walker (1940-55) was a slap hitter who out of nowhere batted .363 to lead the NL in 1947. A year earlier, though he only batted .236 during the regular season, he earned a spot in baseball history by getting the winning hit in Game 7 of the World Series (though the play is mostly remembered for Enos Slaughter’s mad dash from first to home). After he was done playing, he had a decent run as a manager and as a hitting coach. Center fielder Hack Wilson (1923-34) had a five-year run, from 1926-30 with the Cubs, in which he batted .331 with 177 home runs and 708 RBI. He ended that run by going .356-56-191 in 1930. He was a short, barrel-chested man who batted cleanup behind a bunch of little quick guys who got on base, and for a few years he was devastating. He drank heavily and died young, but until someone drives in 192 runs his place in baseball history will be secure. Right fielder Harry Wolter (1907-17) was a star in the Pacific Coast League and also a pretty decent player for the Red Sox and Yankees in the majors. He coached Stanford for two decades after his retirement.

Catcher: Hal Wagner was a .248 hitter who had enough going for him that he played in two all-star games. He came up with the Philadelphia A’s after the franchise had bottomed out, and he later played for the 1946 Red Sox team that lost to the Cardinals on Harry Walker’s hit in 1946.

Rotation: Hooks Wiltse (1904-15) was a deadball lefty who threw a no-hitter, won 20 games twice, and finished with a career record of 139-90 and a 2.47 ERA. He was nicknamed “Hooks” in honor of his big-breaking curveball. He had a brother named “Snake” who also played in the majors (and we’re not going to ask what “Snake’s” nickname refers to), but he was apparently no relation to Hal “Whitey” Wiltse (1926-31), a lefty who came along a generation later. Hal Wiltse was nowhere near as good – in fact, he won 20 games in his entire career – but it’s enough to land him on the back end of t his rotation. Hank Wyse (1942-51) was also nicknamed “Hooks,” and probably for the same reason. He was a righty who spent most of his career with the Cubs, winning 22 games in 1945 and finishing with a career record of 79-70. Herm Wehmeier (1945-58) was a Cincinnati native who turned down football scholarships in order to sign with his hometown Reds and who later, as a scout, encouraged the team to sign a kid who went to his old high school – a kid named Pete Rose. In between Wehmeier won 92 games but never mastered his control, leading the NL three times in walks and twice in wild pitches but never striking out very many batters. Highball Wilson (1899-1904), whose real name was Howard so he qualifies for this team via both his nickname and his given name, was a decent pitcher but the only time he had a regular spot in a rotation it was with an awful Washington Senators team so he went 7-18. From his nickname, we’re guessing he was a drinker, so we’ll try to keep him away from Hack Wilson and steer him toward Harry the Hat, who was something of a teetotaler.

Bullpen: Knuckleballer Hoyt Wilhelm (1952-72) was the first relief pitcher elected to the Hall of Fame. He won 100 games in the minors before finally making it to the majors, and as a 29-year-old rookie he pitched in 71 games for the Giants, going 15-3 and leading the league with a 2.43 ERA. (The Orioles decided to make him a starter at age 36, and he responded by leading the league in ERA again before returning to the bullpen.) Despite the late start on his career, he became the first pitcher ever to appear in 1,000 games – in large part because he remained effective into his late 40s and was put out to pasture just two weeks before his 50th birthday. In his career he won 143 games, saved 227 and had a 2.52 ERA. He was an absolutely dreadful hitter (.088 lifetime) but did managed to hit a home run in his first at-bat. It was the only home run of his career, and one of just five extra-base hits he managed in 493 plate appearances. Hal Woodeshick (1956-67) will work as a lefty set-up man to Wilhelm. Woodeshick pitched for six different teams, having some very good seasons and leading the NL in saves in 1964. Hal White (1941-54), the righty setup man, spent most of his career with Detroit and was generally a good pitcher. Hank Webb (1972-77) was a tall, skinny guy who spent most of his career in the minors but frequently got called up to the bigs for short stretches. He pitched for the pennant-winning ’73 Mets and ’77 Dodgers but did not make the postseason roster either time. Huyler Westervelt (1894) had a 5.04 ERA for the Giants in his only season, but that was better than the league average ERA, and besides that, he has a great name. Hank Winston (1933-36) never did get many hitters out, and he walked twice as many as he struck out. Hi West (1905-11) won 139 games in the minors but had a brief, undistinguished career in the majors – he pitched six games in 1905 and 13 games in 1911, but none in between.

Bench: Outfielder Herm Winningham (1984-93) was good enough if he was cast as a fourth or fifth outfielder, but he never really hit enough to justify starting for any period of time. Hub Walker (1931-45), a reserve center fielder like Winningham, hung around for a few years and occasionally played alongside his brother Gee. Backup catcher Howard Wakefield (1905-07) wasn’t very good, but his son Dick Wakefield was a very promising outfielder before World War II altered the path of his career. Herbert Welch (1925) was a diminutive shortstop who batted .318 in the minors but only played 13 games in the bigs. Likewise, Harry Welchonce (1911) was an outfielder who batted .321 in the minors but only got the briefest of shots in the majors. Sadly, there is no room on the roster for Herb Washington, the novelty player who was employed by Charles O. Finely's Athletics as a full-time pinch-runner.

Manager: Harry Wright was one of the originators of what we now call Major League Baseball, the man who organized the 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings and therefore “invented” professional baseball. He was an outfielder and also a decent enough pitcher that he might decide to give himself a few innings out of the bullpen here. But mostly, he will manage. He won 1,225 games in his caeer with a .581 winning percentage and six league titles.